


I See Thestrals

by RavenOfRao



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Hurt/Comfort, Past Character Death, Thestrals, dealing with death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26614318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenOfRao/pseuds/RavenOfRao
Summary: In Harry's 5th year, after seeing the thestrals for the first time he investigates (instead of waiting for luna to tell him about them). After finding out about them, he reflects on how death has always shaped his life. (one-shot)(Bad summary, good story)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	I See Thestrals

When Harry saw the horseless carriages for the first time, he didn't think much of it. He had thought that it was just another bit of magic he was yet to learn. Even though harry loved the magical world, he didn't fully understand it. So seeing things he couldn't explain wasn't an uncommon occurrence.

But these were invisible horses that were now visible. This was just a bit outside of the "well that's magic for you" domain. So Harry did what anyone would do, he looked into it.

Over the holidays, Harry had distanced himself from people, not intentionally of course. The saddest part was that people let him. They just thought he needed time to comprehend what had happened the year before. But it meant when he went by himself to the library, no one followed. Which Harry was grateful for, even in the magical world seeing things no one else could see (like hearing voices) wasn't a good sign.

Harry made his way to the Hogwarts library in search of answers. Eventually, he found himself at a table at the back of a library pouring through books on Hogwarts. Maybe it was just a Hogwarts thing? Maybe it would be in one of the books about Hogwarts. Picking up Hogwarts: A History (which Hermione would be happy he was finally reading), he began to search the pages for a sign of invisible horses. After scanning the book, to no avail, he moved to another, and another. But, he found nothing.

Harry was glad it was the weekend, the library was open for longer, so he had more time to search for what he longed to know. Eventually, he moved onto books on magical beasts.

As the hours tickled by harry read up on everything from Bowtruckles to Zouwus (Harry was sure he would do well on his care of magical creatures test this year after all the readings he was doing, Hermione would be proud of all the reading he was doing) but not once was an invisible horse brought up. Not once.

Harry's hopes of finding out what the horses were was diminishing with every book he finished. Eventually, Harry made his way up to the librarian to ask if she had any books on them.

"Um... Excuse me, Professor…" Harry began trying to catch the librarian's attention, who was currently reading an ancient-looking book through her thick-lensed glasses.

"Yes, Mr Potter?" She asked, not looking up from her book.

"I was looking for some certain information on a magical animal but I can't seem to find any books or information on them in the books I thought they would be in, I was wonder if you might know some books on them" Harry replied, through his words the librarian had looked up for the book and up at Harry.

"And what animal would that be Mr Potter?" She questioned sweetly. Though on the outside she could seem cold or standoffish, she really was kind inside and always happy to help those who sought knowledge in the infinite pages of the library.

"That's the thing Professor, I don't quite know their name. But they are the horses that pull the carriages from the platform. I think they might be invisible but I saw them on the way to Hogwarts this year and I didn't quite know what they so…" Harry's words quieted down near the end when he saw the teachers gaze.

I was full of surprise and then…. Pity?

But that wasn't right, why would she pity him for seeing horses. Maybe he had gone insane. Harry dwelled on the idea for a little before the librarian shook herself out of her stooper and said:

"Yes… I think I might know what you are talking about. I think we might have a book on them if you'll give me a moment," Before turning and walking to the restricted section of the library.

After a few minutes, she returned with a small black book. It was worn on the edges and the pages were slightly yellowed from age and yet on the front, clear as the day, was a sliver imprint of a snake eating its tail.

She, with shaking hands, gave Harry the book.

"Now, in my opinion, this should have been given to you last year, but, at least you have it now."

And with that, she was walking back to her desk and opening up the book she was previously reading before harry disturbed her.

Harry made his way back to his previous seat at the back of the library. He slowly opened the book and began to sift through its pages.

It read:

"Thestrals manifest as black, skeletal, bat-winged horses. They have a somewhat macabre reputation. In centuries past the sight of them was regarded as unlucky; they have been hunted and ill-treated for many years, their true nature (which is kindly and gentle) being widely misunderstood. Thestrals are not marks of ill omen, nor (their spooky appearance notwithstanding) are they in any way threatening to humans, always allowing for the fright that the first sight of them tends to give the observer."

Well, that's good to know. At least he wasn't going insane. He began to flip through the pages until a certain sentence caught his eye…

"Being able to see Thestrals is a sign that the beholder has witnessed death, and gained an emotional understanding of what death means."

Oh. That's why no one else could see them. And, more or less, why he couldn't see them before.

"Emotional understanding" as it was put, was not at the forefront of harry's mind last year when trying to get over the fact he had watched his friend die, and the dark lord return.

Death had always surrounded his life. It was a wonder he hadn't been able to see the winged beasts before.

Death had shaped his life. And his life in the future.

His parents died. He had killed a dark lord (unintentionally albeit) when he was a baby. And those events changed his life. The day Voldemort decided to kill his parents, to hunt them down, changed everything. Their deaths had taken everything from him.

A happy childhood.

A family.

A normal life.

A future he could make, one that wasn't decided by others who thought he was their saviour.

He could trace almost every event in his life back to the death of his parents.

He couldn't see thestrals before. After all, he never lost his parents. He can't remember having them, because he didn't have a chance to be with them, to be a family. And how can you lose something you never had?

He never experienced losing his parents. One the act of having lost them.

Harry can see thestrals now. And it means everything and nothing. Because he has accepted that he loses everyone, that everyone will leave in the end. And yet it means nothing because he was already surrounded by death and despair.

Despite this, death was never a concept harry fully understood. Of course, he knew that it meant those he loved wouldn't come back but, why did they have to leave?

Why do the ones that love us leave us?

"The ones that love us never really leave us."

Sirius' words rang in harry's head. Sirius was wrong. His parents had left him, he wouldn't have them again. And he understands now. Some part of Harry had always hope that his parents would come back, somehow with magic. He saw them in the mirror of erised, he thought that meant there was hope. But they were gone. For good.

Harry can see thestrals, and it breaks him. Because it represents everything he has lost, everything he will lose before this war is over.

Thestrals, like death, were always around. But you could only see them if you wanted to see them if you accept their existence. If you accept that the dead are dead. That they can't come back.

Harry understands now. Death is unavoidable, but it gives life meaning, knowing that your friends and family won't be here forever. That one day you will say goodbye for the last time, even if it is hard to understand why.

In the margin of the book in Harry's hands, was a note written in black ink. The handwriting was smooth and seemed to be in a perfect font. I read:

"Thestrals may make the beholder think of death and frown. Do not dwell on death as the ending of an adventure that could have continued, but the start of the next chapter of a thrilling tale that will span through all of time."

Harry gave a small smile. He closed his tired eyes and thought of the adventures his parents would be having. The laughter and the fun. "The next chapter" sounded exciting. But for now, he had to stay and the beginning of the tale and work forward from that.

Slowly, Harry made his way back to the librarian's desk and, with a new view and something he hadn't had in a while, hope, he gave the book back.

"Thank you," Harry said, with true gratitude. The librarian gave just a slight nodded to harry before he wandered off to the Gryffindor tower.

As she walked into the restricted section, the librarian paused to open the book she had given to Harry. Seeing the inked in words she smiled, thinking of all the years ago, when she was a 6th-year Slytherin, writing these very words in the ancient book.

She had helped another who had seen what she had seen. That was enough.

Sliding the book back onto the shelf, she paused and looked out the window at the night sky. Just outside the window, stood a family of thestrals.

I wasn't a burden to see thestrals as she had once thought.

It was a blessing.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N
> 
> HEY! HOPE YOU LIKE THE STORY. THE THESTRAL INFORMATION WAS QUOTED FROM POTTERMORE. I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER OR THE RELATED CHARTERS AND SUCH. I MAKE NO PROFIT FROM THIS. REVIEWS ARE LOVED. FEEL FREE TO SEND IN PROMPTS!


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